10 reasons baby loss is a unique grief
10 Reasons Why Baby Loss is a Unique Grief

August 9, 2021

10 Reasons Why Baby Loss is a Unique Grief

1. It’s out of order.
A baby should live and grow old and one day put you to rest. Never the other way around.

2. It’s unexpected.
There is no way to prepare for the emotional impact of this unique grief.

3. Memories are few.
You have such limited time to make memories. And those memories must last the rest of your life.

4. You feel alone.
With pregnancy loss, few memories are made within your community. Everyone was waiting to meet the baby. And now, they’re saying goodbye before they ever got to say hello.

5. Our culture doesn’t understand.
People want to be supportive. But with all the false beliefs about grief and pregnancy loss, is there any wonder most of us feel alone?

6. The loss may be intangible.
Intangible losses deny bereaved parents the helpful grief rituals and support most people expect after death. Even when the baby and birth are very real to you, they may remain intangible to those around you, making it more of a challenge for them to offer support.

7. Intense emotion is not the only challenging issue.
The physical and mental challenges of pregnancy loss add to grief.

8. It’s the loss of a future, not a past.
Your child’s future was not just cut short. It was cut off entirely.

9. You feel like you failed.
While a loss is no one’s fault, parents often report feelings of guilt, shame, or failure. If the loss has no explanation, as is quite common, a mom may (falsely) blame herself.

10. It can radically change your worldview.

You realize life does not play by the rules when your baby dies. This world no longer feels safe. And that shift in your worldview is an entirely new loss to grieve.


Adapted from this post on Still Standing Magazine. 

About the Author

Rachel Lewis

Rachel Lewis is a foster, adoptive and birth mom. After a 5-year battle with secondary infertility and the losses of five babies during pregnancy, she now has three children in her arms and a foster son in her heart.

As the founder of the Facebook support group Brave Mamas, she is passionate about helping others through their grief. She is a contributor to Still Standing Magazine, Pregnancy After Loss Support, and Filter Free Parents. Rachel holds bachelor’s degrees in Theology, Bible, and Speech Communications.

When she’s not chauffeuring her kids around, you can find her shopping at Trader Joes for the best gluten-free treats, drinking iced coffee, or writing about grief and healing on her blog at The Lewis Note.

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